Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize