I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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