My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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