last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
