But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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