just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
