someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
