I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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