Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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