Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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