Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
