He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
