Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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