went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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