My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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