apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
