Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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