when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
