I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i barfeds in our rink
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
