Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Randomize
