That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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