So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize