I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
