She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
