I seem to have left my pride at pride
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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