i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
