I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
