Pappa wants mamma naked
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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