Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize