Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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