What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
