I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
