Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
