i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
