respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you traded sex for a burrito?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
