I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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