He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
