We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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