I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
