so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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