I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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