need another drink. this is the easiest way
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
