Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
