my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
If I die, sorry about rent.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
