so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
