get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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