Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
