Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
