I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Randomize
