Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
