I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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