I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
