i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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