Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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