Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
