when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
