Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
