theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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