i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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