I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Randomize
