I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
