Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
