There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
