party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize