Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
