I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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