Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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