Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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