wrigley field is MILF paradise
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
