How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
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