am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
