Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
