If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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