Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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