I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
