So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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