No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
