I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize