he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize