Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
just tell him i said nine months
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
