I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize