Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
