I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize