the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
