I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
