The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize