All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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