I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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