Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
