Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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