He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
