he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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