She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
