Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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