If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
