We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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