I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
